Long-distance relationships have a history even before there were Skype and smartphones. Imagine what it would be like to have access to just letters and telegrams and wait for days to receive and finally, respond and wait again! Long-distance relationships have become easier to maintain due to the evolution of technology.
We may be geographically apart but we may not feel so apart. It doesn’t matter if we are in the same city or miles apart, long-distance relationships come with numerous problems and to continue it and keeping it alive each day can be a struggle.
For those lovers who are deeply committed and for those who wish to continue their life with their one true love, do not worry! We have understood 6 common problems faced in a long-distance relationship and provided solutions to fix them so you can run your relationship smoothly and happily!
1. Running out of topics to talk about:
One dilemma that is always faced in long-distance relationships is running out of topics to talk about.
In long-distance relationships, we pressurise ourselves so much to maintain a continuous connection by communicating on a daily basis. During this process, we tend to follow a conventional routine. Finally, the conversations become lesser and lesser with just exchanging details about how each other’s day went and nothing more.
Later on, this puts you under a lot of stress and anxiety because you will start observing that due to the lack of personal touch, your partner is drifting off. This can be fixed by keeping a positive outlook.
How to fix it:
Since you have to communicate only through social media and video calls, try to make your conversations interesting. Think about the topics or questions you would like to ask your partner.
Long-distance relationships can sometimes give you an opportunity to know your partner well. Use this to your advantage. You can also play fun and interesting games over call or text.
For example, a game of ‘truth or dare’ or ‘never have I ever’ can be played over call. Arrange a game session with your partner over the weekends and bring out cards, scrabble or even a steamy game if you both fancy some intimacy.
Moreover, try to avoid conventional routines between each other and try to become closer to your partner by getting to know them well.
2. Lack of regular communication:
Long-distance most of the time means that you and your partner are living in different cities, countries or even in a different continent! This can mean that when you are rising up, your partner might be going to bed.
Talking too much can hamper your daily life for you will be spending a lot of time on skype or on social media. Talking too little may drift you apart. So how do you maintain a regular conversation while balancing your routine? Here is the fix.
How to fix it:
However miles apart you and your partner are and whatever the time difference is, make sure you both talk, discuss and fix a specific time that suits both your routine. Be it early morning with a cup of coffee or before going to bed, cherish even the small-time spent talking to them.
Fixing a scheduled time and going about it will blend in your daily routine so easily that you will not feel the extra stress of not regularly communicating with your partner.
However, do not get disheartened or furious if your partner skips the schedule due to a work-related reason. Be patient and understanding with them. If communicating daily for a long time seems difficult, schedule weekly calls in advance so you are regular in conversing.
3. Frequent arguments and fights:
No relationship goes on without arguments or fights. When you are physically present with each other, it becomes easy to resolve them and move on.
However, it is difficult to resolve fights and arguments in long-distance relationships. Most of the time, these fights and arguments are caused due to misunderstanding within the communication.
For instance, it is difficult to comprehend the mood of your partner just by their texts because you are not able to see them. They might say that they are fine but internally, it must be the opposite and they would expect you to understand.
If you and your partner speak different languages, this can act as a communication hindrance at times. Hence, misunderstanding emerges and finally leads to a fight. Frequent quarrels and fights can have a lasting effect on your relationship leading to insecurities and anxiety.
How to fix it:
Arguments and fights not only hamper your relationship but also your mental health. Firstly, it is very important to breathe and stay calm. Losing your temper suddenly will lead to more and more misunderstanding and harm your health as well.
Next, if you feel what your partner has said offended you, ask them what they meant by that statement. Tell them about how you feel and clarify.
One of the common mistakes we tend to make in this situation is ignoring it and later overthinking about what they said. Instead, talk and sort it out then and there so your mind is at ease.
Finally, understand your partner and let your partner understand you. If you are sensitive about certain topics, let them know. Communication always clears out the air and strengthens your bond.
4. Rise in insecurities:
When you are miles apart from each other, two problems that are common in a long-distance relationship are insecurities and jealousy. We all go through bad days, PMS, something not going right or even work or family pressure. This sometimes instils loneliness in us. We begin to judge ourselves and strive for immediate attention and appreciation from our partners. Have you ever caught yourself overthinking and asking questions like these about your relationship?
‘Does he still love me?’
‘Is he in this relationship just for the sake of it?’
‘The last time I checked his profile, he had posted selfies with his pretty colleague/ friend, Am I not as pretty as her?’
‘What if I am not enough?’
‘What if he gets bored of us’
‘What if he wants to break up with me?’
And the list of insecurities goes on…
How to fix it:
The first and the most difficult step to overcome these insecurities is to believe in yourself. Believe that you are beautiful, smart, kind and whatever kind of woman you aspire to be.
Remind yourself about the hardships you faced just to achieve what you have today. You are what your struggles made you. Moreover, you are doing great by putting in so much effort to maintain this relationship so that one day, you will finally be with the love of your life.
Self-recognition will create a positive mindset. This will help you get over the normal insecurities.
Next, talk to your partner about your insecurities. Let them tell you theirs. Trusting your partner and maintaining that trust can be difficult in the initial months of our long-distance relationship but over time, because of open communication, you will know your partner well enough to create a bond of trust and understanding.
5. Jealousy:
We cannot deny the feeling of jealousy when we see our partner talking or spending excessive time with another person. Jealousy arrives when you and your partner are away from you for a long time.
Signs of jealousy are normal and it indicates that you really care about your partner and do not want to lose them. It can even make your bond stronger as you might show certain gestures to please your partner.
A lot of jealousy, however, can end up harming your relationship. Constant feelings of jealousy might be caused due to insecurities, trust issues or possessiveness. Each of these aspects can disrupt your relationship badly. However, we are here to help you fix that!
How to fix it:
The first step towards overcoming excessive feelings of jealousy is to accept and admit the fact that you are jealous. Easier said than done, it will make you realise and understand the reason for what you are feeling. Is it because of the other woman getting close to your partner because she intends to be intimate with him or is she friendly with everyone else? Or do you not trust your partner enough? Whatever the reason may be, it is useful in the third step, that is to talk it out. Do not lash out on your partner.
Express your feelings calmly and listen when they have to explain something. The outcome can be either positive or negative depending on how your partner takes it. It might make them think that you really care or they might think you’re being unreasonable and suspicious.
Reach a conclusion and make some adjustments. It might be to reduce meetups with the particular woman or if they are jealous, you will have to make such adjustments to build trust. Whatever the conclusion is, move on with a positive outlook and build lots of trust!
6. Ghosting and losing interest:
Ghosting means cutting all communication from someone suddenly without leaving an explanation. This is a very common fear in long-distance relationships; the anxiety of being ghosted or ghosting your partner. There will be ups and downs, some days will be sunshine and some days might be gloomy. One common fear is getting bored by your partner or your partner losing interest in you.
This mostly occurs when you both have not met in a long time and eventually get bored with talking only through screens. You will begin to realise that you both are drifting apart. You will lose hope of meeting again and eventually question the existence of your relationship.
Once you are settled in a new city, with new friends and develop a new lifestyle, they would feel like an extra burden on you considering the obligation to text and call every day.
Soon things will start to fade and both of you will tend to drift apart. But wait! We have tips to solve this as well!
How to fix it:
As we mentioned earlier, it is difficult, yet, significant to keep the spark alive in your relationship. If you are ignoring your partner’s texts or replying them late intentionally, ask yourself the reason.
Is it because you do not find them interesting anymore? Is it because this relationship is being stressful and hindering your mental health? Is it because you want to be with someone else? Whatever the reason may be, it is best to communicate it with your partner instead of suddenly ghosting them.
Ghosting instils insecurities in the other person and looks just too immature. Communicating might be difficult but the more you delay and drag your relationship, the more expectations your partner would build. It is better to end it on good terms and move on.
If you have been ghosted by your partner, try to ask them the reason by sending texts or leaving voicemails that will express your worry. Ask your partner’s family, friends or colleagues to acquire a way of communication.
After some days, if you get a response, you have the right to be furious and express your anger for their misbehaviour. Listen to them and understand what they have to say before getting back with them.
You may even choose to not get back if you do not trust them to repeat this action. If they do not respond and simply ghost you, remember that you are not at fault. Hold your self-respect and move on.
The takeaway:
Here, we reach the end with long-distance lover’s 6 common problems and their solutions. Remember that a long-distance relationship requires patience, trust, understanding and loyalty.
At any point, you feel like your partner is distancing himself or you want to drift apart, communicate and take a decision.
There is no such obligation to continue a relationship even if it drastically affects your mental, physical and emotional health along with your career and financial growth.
Further, we have some quick additional tips to keep the spark alive in your long-distance relationship!
Some tips to keep the spark alive in your long-distance relationship:
1. Plan a surprise meetup by travelling to your partner’s city for a few days. It can be during vacations, a long weekend or on their birthday. Try to meet frequently between months and make sure it is both ways.
2. Appreciate your partner and let them know that you are there for them. Understand that some days might be stressful for them. Listen and be calm when they are sharing their problems. Send them cute and loving messages frequently.
3. Organise cute virtual dates like a candlelight virtual dinner or a movie- night over weekends.
4. Send gifts to your partner occasionally to show how much you love them!
Author bio:
Anushka is a passionate writer and a poet pursuing a degree in media and communications. She regularly contributes a Food Guest Post on F and B Recipes.
